Somewhere in the mountains of Ketchum, Idaho, Violent Little Machine Shop is kind of pleased to announce their new business line: Violent Little Greeting Cards, which will be geared towards the military, tactical, and general scallywag communities. Finally, there are cards for the relationships you always wanted but could just never muster up the courage to develop on your own. We’ll help you get there…
The initial line consists of 13 painstakingly-designed cards to suit a variety of scenarios. All are printed in the United States of America on tastefully thick 14 pt. premium paper that just wants to caress the ink into a masterpiece of bullshit. Newly dubbed CEO, Oscar Sanchez, was excited about the new line: “I’m really not too sure about this new card thing. Honestly, it’s been kind of tough to get on board with the “vision”, but I’ve also got a boss… so it’s not like I’ve got a choice in the matter. I’ll push what he tells me to push.” He added, “I guess my head’s on the chopping block… I feel like I’m kind of in a “no win” situation, but oh well. I’ll start polishing up my resume. Anybody know if Black Rifle Coffee is hiring? I hear Stratton Oakmont has some good benefits.”
Violent Little Greeting Cards are the perfect way to tell your best friend to “fuck off”, make Mom feel kind of special on her special day, or just as a general “hello” to that fake friend you haven’t talked to since High School graduation that wrote “Seniors are the Best” in your yearbook and then you bumped into him at the Chik-fil-A he was assistant-managing and you felt guilty because you’re now a big time boss-hawg.
To order, go to violentlittle.com. Notes of “well wishes” can be sent to info@violentlittle.com.
This post was originally featured on SSD.