Tactical Fanboy
Tactical Tailor
Home Categories TacticalFanboy Archives Email

Covert & Disguised Weapons

ALCON: When we ran this post first thing this morning, we weren’t aware it originated at John Lindsay’s Don’t Even Reply. We’re happy to have been advised and you can bet we’ll now be frequent readers henceforth. Also, check out E-mails from an asshole.


We got this as a forward from a very good friend who was one of the team that developed the 5.11 Tactical COVRT series, which we really like. (In fairness, he’s actually involved in almost all the tactical gear development and T&E at 5.11 Tactical…we must give him props for this. It’s a copy from a forum thread, apparently someone taking themselves just a little too seriously (or intentionally screwing with someone) and it’s just too damn funny not to share. Thanks for bringing it to our attention Big D, you’re all right (despite your ears and somewhat vacuous look!) 5.11 is lucky to have ya.

WARNING: Strong language. Be aware there is substantial profanity in this, particularly as the recipient of the e-mails grows increasing frustrated. If you don’t like the f-bomb or colorful invective offends you, skip this post and go someplace safer.

Disguised Weapons
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc…..
Offering: cash, items for barter

From Me to **********@***********.org:


I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.



From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:


Here you go:

Looks like a normal spoon, right?

Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5″ half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.


From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:


I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.


From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.

From Me to Jeff ******:


Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:

At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.

Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.

This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.



From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.

9 Responses to “Covert & Disguised Weapons”

  1. Riceball says:

    That was too funny. It sounds like someone doesn’t have much of a sense of humor and doesn’t recognize when someone is pulling his leg. This letter wasn’t by the same guy who tried to pay a bill with a drawing of a spider is it?

  2. Scotty D says:

    This is from emails from an asshole. (dontevenreply.com) he should at least get credit for his work. He has a very fun site.

  3. La Muerte says:

    That’s hilarious!!!

  4. karpy says:

    The original source is from dontevenreply.com as Scotty D pointed out. Here’s the link:


    dontevenreply.com is a hilarious website and the guy definitely deserves credit for his work.

  5. Robert V says:

    There’s a shotgun in the tissue box? Where????!!!

  6. TFB2 says:

    Awesome, thanks fellas! We’re about to go in and edit the post to show the originator of the thread. Thanks for clarifying!

  7. Grayson says:

    FOR THE THUNDERING LOVE OF GOD, don’t ANYBODY tell those guys at Border Security! I don’t want to end up getting strip-groped just for buying a carton of soda pop! Not to mention what’ll happen if somebody sneezes and reaches for a Kleenex!


    Okay, I admit it. I have a sense of humour that makes nice people cringe and bartenders expel me from the pub… before Happy Hour, in fact.
    Thank you for a great chuckle, Fanboy!

    P.S.: What’s orange and red and looks so good on hippies?
    Answer: Fire. Probably makes ’em smell better, too.

  8. Grayson says:


    Just like the Grinch, I think I just had a WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA.

    I hereby nominate Jeff ****** for the Short Bus Door Gunner Of The Week Award.
    Will anyone in the tactical blogosphere second the nomination? Anyone?

  9. Timd1978 says:

    I can’t stop laughing…that is the funniest thing I have seen in a LONG TIME!!!

Leave a Reply