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Archive for the ‘Rantgasm’ Category

Ninja Force 17

Sunday, January 8th, 2012

Nobody even knew they really existed until Raven Concealment called ’em on it.’

Just goes to show, nothing is sacred and nothing is secret. If you’re a douche-waffle, someone will eventually call you on it.

Not saying this prime specimen of warriorhood is a douche-waffle. He looks harder than woodpecker lips. Just saying, Ninja Force 17 is out there. We haven’t seen anyone this bad ass since Dog the Bounty Hunter gave up his training billet with CAG.

Tactical Fanboy: Ninja Force 17 has been compromised.

Tactical Fanboy: Ninja Force 17 has been compromised.

WTF? – Dubstep In The Red Tails TV Spot

Saturday, January 7th, 2012

If you’ve been watching TV recently, there’s a decent chance you’ve seen this commercial about the upcoming film ‘Red Tails’:

Pardon me if I’m wrong, but is that a dubstep “song” (the term “song” is used loosely here) playing over images of WWII fighter planes? I don’t know about you, but I had to rewind my cable (thank you, DVR!) when I first saw this just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Don’t get me wrong, from the other trailers I’ve seen this current iteration of ‘Red Tails’ looks decent with lots of pretty special effects, but dubstep seems, I dunno, kinda out of place in a WWII movie. Well, I guess that’s what you get when the beast that spawned Episodes 1 through 3 handles the Tuskegee Airmen.

*sigh* George 'Freaking' Lucas

Red Tails releases in theaters January 20th, 2012.


Sara Ahrens OffBeat: Corner Shot

Sunday, November 27th, 2011

If you watch Top Shot at all, you probably remember Sara Ahrens. She is a patrol sergeant with the Rockford (IL) Police Department and appeared on Top Shot Season 3. Recently she had occasion to try out the “Corner-Shot”, an oft-maligned and largely piece of kit. Here opinion is below. It’s interesting that she very politely points out where someone showed a lack of understanding towards the specificity and niche use of the Corner Shot. Was it truly a lack of understanding? Yes, it certainly was. You can be really good at something and still be ignorant of others. Many of us have been shooters, some in Tier One, high end units. We absolutely respect that, but that doesn’t make any of us the grand master of tactics. Blithely disdaining a piece of equipment, or a TTP, without taking into account the context in which it is intended to be used, is just foolish.


Action Figure Therapy Comedy Tour

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

Looks like Ranger Up Military and MMA Apparel is going to sponsor an Action Figure Therapy military base comedy tour (CONUS). If you have a good point of contact for you base, so they can start making arrangements, e-mail them to tour@actionfiguretherapy.com. As you may have read, AFT recently added a new Marine to their roster and have been having trouble getting the USO to let them tour. Lend them your support (just remember, the language in their videos is by no means safe for work).

If you haven’t ever watched an Action Figure Therapy video, you should do so immediately. Like ’em on Facebook and tell ’em Tactical Fanboy’s eee-light team of fightin’ tac-bloggers sent ya.

It’s looks like Ranger Up Military and MMA Apparel is going to sponsor an Action Figure Therapy military base standup comedy tour. If have a good point of contact for your base please email the info to tour@actionfiguretherapy.com. Thanks.

MW3 Rant Time

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

Yes, we all knew this was coming.

It’s time to play a really great drinking game callled ‘Spot The Inaccuracies’! It’s quite simple really: watch the vid, and every time you spot something inaccurate (compared to reality) with this demo of MW3, take a shot of your favorite brain-killing alcohol! The best part is it doesn’t take the entire vid to get drunk off your ass, just every damn firearm featured. To be a bit easier on all those involved, let’s ignore how painfully unlikely a Russian invasion would be, and just stick with stuff like:

– Why is Delta doing this mission? An operation like this would most likely be handled by DEVGRU.
– Why are Delta operatives using the MP5? They stopped using that years ago! The HK416 called, it’s feeling unappreciated.
– Are those dummkopfs at Infinity Ward, and Sledgehammer Games, still calling the AKS-74U the AK-74U? The later doesn’t exist! It’s just one more letter, dammit! Fix that ****! Also, it’s a carbine, not an SMG, so take 2 shots.
– Speaking of which, why are the Russians using P90s?
– Whatever else you can find. Might be a wee bit inebriated by this point…

Basically, they crapped on the guns again. Big surprise. Even without a full weapons list I already have enough ammunition to complain until release day. Still, there’s a good 6 months or so before the game is released. Maybe we’ll see some unexpected changes, but I highly doubt it. I still be buying this game, though. For all its faults, MW3 looks like a decent source of mindless action.

Modern Warfare 3 drops November 8th, 2011 for all major consoles and PC.

Weapons I’d Like To See In Modern Warfare 3 A.K.A. Please Don’t Pull A Black Ops Again.

Monday, March 14th, 2011

Ever since the Call of Duty series went ‘modern’ there has been an increase in firearms that just don’t belong in the game and/or are being used by the wrong forces. It started simply with the MP44 being featured in multiplayer that takes place in 2011, along with Ultranationalists having access to MP5s (CoD4), and has spiraled into rifles like the FAMAS being used by Russian forces in both 1968 (Black Ops. lolwut?) and 2016 (MW2). While I can’t claim what other firearms Russia might integrate into their arsenal in the future, I think it’s safe to assume they won’t be using French guns. Or TAR 21s. Or Striker shotguns. Or… I’ll shut up now.

The point is it wouldn’t hurt for the devs to do a little research into what weapons specific forces would actually use, instead of replacing accuracy with the rule of cool. What follows is a list of guns I want to see in the next CoD game, provided it’s actually MW3. If it’s not, and instead ‘CoD: It’s In Space and Totally Ain’t Halo’ is the next title, I better see a Gauss Rifle, dangnabit!


H&K’s answer to the FN P90. A damn cool weapon, it fires the armor piercing 4.6x30mm cartridge from either a 20, 30, or 40 round magazine. It’s practically a firearm that combines all the best aspects of both a SMG and AR into one beautiful package. Ever since I used it in Medal of Honor multiplayer I always wondered how grossly overpowered it could be in CoD. Maybe we’ll see it, maybe we won’t. But I sure hope we do.


AK-47s and Russia go together like peanut butter and chocolate. We get it. But believe it or not, there’s more to the AK family than just the classic 7.62×39 spewing death-dealer. Now I’ll admit there was also a Middle Eastern militia in both Modern Warfare games, and they most definitely would be using AK-47s (and other variants), but the Russian forces themselves? Not likely. There’s also the AK-100 series rifles to consider, and since the games do take place in the near future, I could see them having widespread use. Anyway, it would just be more accurate to see an AK-74M in the hands of a modern Russian infantryman, and not an F2000. That’s all I’m saying.

XM-25 Grenade Launcher

25mm, airbursting, high-explosive, pre-programable grenades. This thing practically screams overpowered, doesn’t it? Already in deployment in Afghanistan, it’s seen incredible success, ending engagements almost as soon as they begin. Plus, I’m sure they could find a way to balance it in-game. After all, they’ve managed to make guns less impressive than they are in real life. I’m looking at you, AA-12.

That’s just a small sample of what I’d like to see, especially since this article’s getting a bit longer than I originally intended. But you get the general idea: keep what makes sense, dispose of the rest and replace them with something else; something period appropriate. Hell, it wouldn’t hurt to have two AK variants in the same game. Bad Company 2 did it with the AN-94 Abakan and AEK-971 Vintovka, after all. And I’d also like to hear what you want to see in the next CoD game. Or how you feel about how inaccurate the weaponry has been in the current CoD games. Game developers say they read stuff like this, after all.

And The Award For Product Most Likely To Get You Shot By An Air Marshal Goes To…

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

De Santis Gunhide’s Ankle Cell Phone Holster. Now, this product is completely useless, as I’ll be extremely happy to explain. First, it’s damn foolish. Apparently carrying a cell phone around your ankle is considered stylish, and not completely asinine. I don’t want to have to bend down to my ankle in public every time I get a call from someone. That opens up plenty of problems on its own. Two, you’re putting a small, vibrating and ringing device on your ankle. That’s totally not suspicious at all. In fact, I can guarantee one jumpy air marshal would be all over the jackass that decides having one of these while on a plane was a good idea. Third.. it costs $32. Specifically $31.95, and that’s before shipping. The page also mentions ‘Armani’ suits, so this is obviously marketed at douches with a lot of money to burn. My point is this product costs way to much for what it offers: an ankle holster for a cell phone. So don’t buy it.

If you still want one of these despite my well-crafted argument against it: De Santis Gunhide Ankle Cell Phone Holster

Social Darwinism At Its Finest

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

Oh, where to begin? With this list, of course:

-He didn’t assume it was loaded.
-He pointed the gun at his foot, which is something I assume he didn’t want to destroy.
-He put his finger on the trigger, while assuming it wasn’t loaded, despite not aiming at anything.
-It’s damn sure he wasn’t aware of his target. Well, he was after the bullet impacted his foot.

In case you didn’t follow, that list is basically an antithesis to the four rules of firearms. It just boggles the mind how someone who is supposedly trained to handle firearms can be this stupid. The best part is he assures the class he’s a professional, and that he’s the only one trained enough to handle the Glock, when all of a sudden, disaster strikes! Sure, the video’s old, but the message is timeless: follow the rules, and you might not end up like ‘The Footless Wonder’ there.

Top Self Defense Tools For The Apocalypse

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

Game TrailersE3 2011Attack This

This video from AOTS shows a couple of so called ‘top self defense tools’ in case of a zombie apocalypse. I’m going to totally debunk them both, since I’m a huge fan of zombie fiction, and I can easily tell using either of these will only end you up as undead chow. I’d also like to add that the video starts by mentioning the only way to stop a zombie is by decapitating it. That only separates the still-biting head from the body. Destroying the brain is the only guaranteed method. Fanboy moment over, onto ripping on some products!

Axe Maker Kit – bestmadeco.com: A do-it-yourself ax valued at $140? I’ll pass. Even with two handles made of American hickory, a hand-forged ax blade, and a shaver, that’s a bit too much for something I’ll just repeatedly bury into the undead. I’d rather pick up an ax at the store ($30, easily found for less or more) or even a crowbar (again $30, easily found for less or more). At least with the later I have an effective melee weapon and a tool for opening whatever barriers I may find.

Card Sharp – iainsinclair.com : It folds up to look just like a credit card? Seems more like an altercation with a TSA agent waiting to happen than an effective anti-zombie device. Actually, killing a zombie TSA agent with this would offer what I imagine to be some form of poetic justice. But I digress, if you need a zombie-fighting blade, go for a machete, or a shaolin spade, if you can find it. This is just too small to cause any noticeable damage to the undead hoard. After all, the whole concept is to destroy the brain, not cut away at them.

Long story short: these are horrible options. In case of a zombie attack, go with something else. After all, your life may depend on it.

Maverick HS12 “Tactical” Over/Under

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

Mossberg knows how to make a great shotgun. Their products are widely used by military, law enforcement, and civilian sources for both personal defense and sport. But when they decide to alter one of their hunting shotguns and call it a tactical firearm? That may just be jumping the shark a little. On that note, I present to you The Maverick HS12 over/under.

Now, when we get right down to it, a ‘tactical’ firearm’s purpose is to perform well when engaging an enemy, and I’m not too sure an over/under shotgun has that capability. Sure it’s black, features a shortened barrel, and sports Picatinny rails (just a reminder: I am not describing an M4 carbine) but those particular characteristics don’t instantly equal tactical. In addition to this, one glaring flaw really holds the Maverick back: it features extractors and not ejectors, so when you pop the barrel to reload, you have to manually remove the spent shells, a time-consuming action that could cost you your life.

Maybe I’m being a little too judgmental since I’ve never actually tested the Maverick, but the idea isn’t a practical one. I’d rather get a 590A1 with a six round magazine tube (from the same company, no less) than a double-barrel shotgun any day of the week. Also, when you release a firearm that sounds more like a Nerf blaster than a self-defense tool, you deserve at least a little scrutiny.

Tactical Fanboy

Black Ops Weapons

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

Being a ‘Tactical’ Fanboy, there’s something that’s been bothering me a bit: What’s up with the weapons in CoD: Black Ops? It’s like the devs over at Treyarch were salivating over some 1970s issues of Soldier of Fortune, said to hell with the game’s 1960s setting, and decided that Vietnam was fought with AKS-74Us and Galils. To Treyarch’s credit, there’s plenty of period appropriate weaponry, but for every M16 and M72 LAW there’s a FAMAS and Beretta 686 White Onyx double barreled shotgun just waiting to be picked up. Seriously, a hunting shotgun?!? Treyarch, what the hell?

And don’t get me started on the lame-ass “I can haz prototype?” excuse. Just because real life black operatives may have fielded advanced equipment and weaponry doesn’t excuse the use of MP5ks with modern-esque red dot sights, roughly a decade before the MP5 was even produced and reflex sights were patented. I also had to laugh at the following:

-NVA soldiers wielding SPAS-12 shotguns
-Every magnified gun scope is called an ACOG, even with the SUSAT and Swarovski scope
-Masterkey shotguns and flamethrower underbarrel attachments. Too early for the former, and the later never existed
-Any number of weapons even being in the game, including, but not limited to, the AUG and G11 rifles, CZ75 pistol, Strela-3 launcher, Spectre M4, ete.
-Other anachronisms and errors on their part

It’s fine that the devs wanted to put a little variety into the weapon selection, but a flimsy excuse is still a flimsy excuse.

In conclusion, there’s a big difference between being somewhat realistic with weapon variety, and making weapons available decades before they would be otherwise. Despite my ranting, I don’t mind using an HK-21 or Uzi in the game, but I’d rather Treyarch just own up and admit they did it because they could, not because of some lame ‘prototype’ excuse.

The Kick Dummy

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

It’s a dummy you use to practice kicking a man in the crotch. At least, that’s all the commercial seems to imply. And while that is a fine defensive move (sarcasm), it’s not the end-all-be-all technique that will save your life in every engagement. Hell, after hearing about this, I might just have to start wearing a crotch protector of some kind so I don’t accidentally get kneed in the sack by a former Royal Marine Commando’s daughter due to simple miscommunication. In fact, until I went to the actual website, I almost though it was a joke.

Long story short: This product is completely retarded. I don’t really care how un-PC that is, it’s the truth. If you really care that much about self-defense in the first place, put yourself, or your loved ones, through a self-defense or martial arts class and leave this steaming pile of rip-off in the infomercial where it crawled from. “As used by the world’s meanest fighters”, my ass.