Because Skynet is clearly running out of ideas after four movies. Still, arguably better then those Baby Terminators they developed.
Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category
The Woodinator
Monday, November 7th, 2011Dr. Danger…Brass Balls, Stoopid or Both?
Sunday, November 6th, 2011Dr. Danger either had brass balls or was just colossally stupid. He also doesn’t know the difference between a Ma Deuce and a submachine gun, though we won’t quibble. Have you seen the Dr. Danger series yet from MOJO? It’s crazy.
“You don’t want to rent a car [at Bali Doogle]. You want to rent an army.”
Check out the episode when he was in Mogadishu on HULU.
Stay in the Fight: Covert Prep for the Zombiepocalypse?
Monday, October 31st, 2011Soldier Systems Daily just ran an article about SGM (Ret) Kyle Lamb’s new book Stay in the Fight (a handgun oriented sequel to Green Eyes Black Rifles). It’s a great read, good for shooters over every background and skill level, and the author is definitely someone who can opine with authority about pretty much anything he wants when it comes to tactics, doorkickery and shooting. After all, this is a man who ran with Special Forces teams from Mogadishu to Mosul and everywhere in between. If you’ve never watched any of his Viking Tactics training videos, you really need to.
However, Tactical Fanboy has been doing some undercover, secret squirrel type investigative digging, and it appears, on the surface at least, the author may have had an ulterior motive in mind…perhaps he was privy to classified documents or real-time intel the rest of us weren’t allowed to see, but it may just be that SGM (Ret) Lamb was trying to get the country ready to fight in the zombiepocalypse.
Yes, the zombiepocalypse. Silly Halloween conspiracy theory? Possibly. Look at this picture then, captured from an unknown operator’s helmet cam:
SGM (Ret) Lamb, author of STAY IN THE FIGHT and GREEN EYES BLACK RIFLES conducting risky live fire training vs. the walking dead...you'll fight like you train.
Still think it’s hokum? What about the news from a few months back that Dan Costa was stepping down as CEO of 5.11 Tactical, allegedly to work on his various charitable endeavors (especially one for at risk youth)? Perhaps he wasn’t stepping aside for that at all. PERHAPS he needed to focus all his attention on preparing some sort of zombiepocalyptic survival redoubt for his family and those of his employees?
Still dubious? Check out this picture, snapped by one of our eeeee-light team of tactical bloggers:
Kyle Lamb and Dave Rhoden Surrounded...Publicity stunt for Halloween or Prepping for the Zombiepocalyptic End Times? You be the judge.
Now, unless we’re way off our mark, that’s SGM Lamb and one of his cronies, a 5.11 Tactical guy named Dave R. (we’ll hold his last name in confidence until we can confirm the authenticity of the photo). As you can see, SGM Lamb is jocked up for a fight and Dave appears to be drawing a side-arm. The idea that the author would bring Dave along on a training or even operational mission isn’t that far-fetched. Dave has some tactical background, is a good shooter, is fit and renowned for his hearing (makes him a great scout). He’s actually an honorary Lance Corporal in the nation of Val Verde, where he once spent a summer lost in the jungle until rescued by none other than Col. John Matrix. He may or may not have once operated as a private contractor in Vulgaria. Speculation is discouraged and all official records have been buried.
Plus, if SGM Lamb got in a tight spot, he could always just kneecap him. It’s just effective use of distraction tactics.
We’ll report more on this story as we get further intelligence. In the meantime, check out the books and the videos. It’s worth your time.
Happy Halloween.
Covert & Disguised Weapons
Thursday, October 27th, 2011ALCON: When we ran this post first thing this morning, we weren’t aware it originated at John Lindsay’s Don’t Even Reply. We’re happy to have been advised and you can bet we’ll now be frequent readers henceforth. Also, check out E-mails from an asshole.
ORIGINAL TEXT:
We got this as a forward from a very good friend who was one of the team that developed the 5.11 Tactical COVRT series, which we really like. (In fairness, he’s actually involved in almost all the tactical gear development and T&E at 5.11 Tactical…we must give him props for this. It’s a copy from a forum thread, apparently someone taking themselves just a little too seriously (or intentionally screwing with someone) and it’s just too damn funny not to share. Thanks for bringing it to our attention Big D, you’re all right (despite your ears and somewhat vacuous look!) 5.11 is lucky to have ya.
WARNING: Strong language. Be aware there is substantial profanity in this, particularly as the recipient of the e-mails grows increasing frustrated. If you don’t like the f-bomb or colorful invective offends you, skip this post and go someplace safer.
Disguised Weapons
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc…..
Offering: cash, items for barter
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc…..
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
I am. lets see what you got.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Here you go:
Looks like a normal spoon, right?
Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5″ half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.
I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:
At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.
Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.
This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.
Let me know if you want any of these items.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.
Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic
Friday, October 21st, 2011Described as “…a fun new way of teaching the importance of emergency preparedness.”, the CDC’s ‘”Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic” is a graphic novel that uses the always nightmarish Zombie pandemic as a frame for teaching people about the importance of having an emergency kit. Seriously, the last pages include an item checklist for that very purpose. Blatant advertising aside, the art isn’t the worst I’ve seen and the story is almost passable. It also features quite a bit of unintended hilarity. For example: because it’s from the CDC, all opportunities for full-on violence are completely abandoned for a good-ole’ dose of political correctness, which leads what is unequivocally the best part of the whole graphic novel:
You can read it here.
Thanks to reader Jerry Mills for the tip.
AUSA – Fuchs Lubricants
Monday, October 10th, 2011Looks like someone needs to learn how to spell…
Pr0n Will Survive The Apocalypse – Slightly NSFW
Thursday, September 15th, 2011
L.A.-based Pink Visual, an adult entertainment studio, has started construction on a bunker to ride out the 2012 Apocalypse as predicted by the Mayan calendar. The bunker, which is being built in a secretive location, will feature such amenities as a “refrigeration beverage center”, “standing work kiosks with sliding gun rack compartments”, “world disaster satellite monitor” and “private fertility chambers”. 1200-1500 individuals will be invited to stay in the bunker when construction is completed in September 2012, “…with Pink Visual performers, active site members and Twitter followers getting priority over the general public.” Better safe than sorry, I suppose, but if the end of the world never comes I’m sure they’ll find a good use for the facility…
Source: CBS Los Angeles
Raw Meat Guns – NSFW-ish
Tuesday, September 13th, 2011
A little old, but still disturbingly interesting, this is one of many raw meat guns created by Artist Dimitri Tsykalov. He claims his art represents the simplicity and brutality of the gun. I claim it could use a bit more time on the grill. Whatever the case, he also happened to pose some of his creations with virtually naked women, so if raw meat shaped into firearms paired with nudity’s your kind of thing, Google is your friend.
http://www.galerie-rabouan-moussion.com/en/artist/dimitri-tsykalov/4
Defusable Clock
Monday, September 12th, 2011Despite its looks, this is mostly an ordinary clock with a beeping alarm, snooze button, ect. When the red button is pressed however, it acts like a good old fashioned Hollywood-esque 10-second countdown bomb, which you can “defuse” by cutting one of four wires, which are randomly assigned each time (makes for good EOD practice, eh?). The wires themselves are attached with screw terminals for easy replacement. If you’re interested in purchasing one of these, but are understandably worried about having something shaped like an explosive sent through the mail to your address, don’t fret too much. The set’s being sold as an electronics kit, so some creativity will have to come into play to make it more bomb-like.
Wicked Lasers Spyder III Krypton
Sunday, September 11th, 2011Currently under review by Guinness World Records for the title of ‘World’s Brightest Handheld Laser’, the Spyder III Krypton is, quite frankly, laser overkill. It features a green beam 8000 times brighter than the Sun (if directly looking at the dot) with a visible range of 85 miles, easily breaking the Earth’s atmosphere; the makers even warn not to point it at satellites [or airplanes, people and animals], since the beam could potentially damage them. It also features a rechargeable lithium ion battery, 9 operation modes such as ‘SOS’ and ‘Beacon’, a 100% unlimited duty cycle, an aircraft-grade aluminum chassis, and SmartSwitch technology, for keeping the beam out of the wrong hands. There are also optional attachments like the expanded lens kit, which adds a variety of patterns and shapes. Sadly, despite its completely-legal-to-own status, the Spyder III Krypton isn’t very practical, since it’s just too damn powerful to use as a laser pointer or gunsight.
That Is Not Your Mommy Anymore – A Zombie Tale
Saturday, September 10th, 2011
This book features all the telltale signs of a zombie outbreak and how to defend oneself. The catch? Instead of being some extensive professional-looking tongue-in-cheek guide, it’s instead written as a tongue-in-cheek children’s book (similar to ‘Go the F**k to Sleep’, but with more zombies, and less cursing). ‘That is Not Your Mommy Anymore – A Zombie Tale’ is written by Matt Mogk, founder of the Zombie Research Society, and illustrated by Aja Wells.
Thanks to a reader for the tip.
You can buy it at ThinkGeek.com.
Urwerk UR-1001 Zeit Device
Wednesday, August 31st, 2011
I’ve said before I’m a sucker for a good-looking watch, but the Ur-1001 Zeit Device practically transcends such a simple description. Beneath the sleek exterior made from non-magnetic ARCAP alloy lies indicators for all manner of measurements. It features and/or tracks satellite hours, retrograde minutes, a day/night indicator, running seconds, a power reserve indicator, a revolving satellite calendar displaying months plus date, an oil change indicator, a 100-year indicator and a 1000-year indicator. That’s right, it’s very easily designed to outlive any potential owners simply by how long it’s meant to track time. The cost? Roughly 430,000 USD. Is it limited edition? You better believe it: only 8 are available for purchase, starting in October. At that price and rarity, it was obviously meant for men with riches far beyond what most of us have available. Just the same, if given the chance to own one of these I think I’d still stick with my G-Shock. I feel it’s more functional and since it’s digital I don’t have to wind it.
Designer Diapers In Camouflage
Tuesday, August 30th, 2011
Apparently designer diapers are a really big thing right now. This naturally has led to Huggies coming up with camouflage diapers (since camouflage is always fashionable, amirite?). Now, while I can’t vouch for the effectiveness of this Navy-esque pattern for your toddler in the field, there is a good cause behind it: every package sold equals a diaper donated to a needy military service family. If you’re looking to buy some of these, they’re available exclusively at Wal-Mart.
Hat Tip: USA Today
Game up for Gaddafi? Rebels enter Tripoli
Wednesday, August 24th, 2011Take a look at NMAWorldEdition‘s unique take on the recent events in Libya.
Thanks to @PredatorBDU for the link.
Peter Thiel Puts Funding Into Seasteading Institute – All Guns Allowed
Wednesday, August 17th, 2011Peter Thiel, founder of PayPal, has just sunk $1.25 million of his own money into the Seasteading Institute, an organization that essentially wants to create an above-the-ocean version of Rapture. Lack of genetics-altering, stem cell-loaded sea slugs aside, this seems like a fantastic idea, especially after reading this quote: “a kind of floating petri dish for implementing policies that libertarians, stymied by indifference at the voting booths, have been unable to advance: no welfare, looser building codes, no minimum wage, and few restrictions on weapons.” Honestly, you’d figure billionaires would be rich enough to sit down and play more video games. Andrew Ryan tried this in the 50’s and he ended up with a civil war on his hands… wait, “…few restrictions on weapons.”? It’s decided, I’m sold! Now, where do I apply for citizenship?
Hat Tip: News.Yahoo.com
Recycled Uniforms For DoD
Monday, August 15th, 2011In accordance with a 2009 presidential executive order, the Senate has directed the Defense Department to look at uniforms made from recycled plastic bottles and other “formerly used consumer material”. The 2009 policy’s goal is that 95% of all new government contracts for items other than weapons be products or services that are “environmentally preferable.” This can take the form of nontoxic alternatives, products or procedures that don’t deplete the ozone layer and presumably granola-eating manufactory staff with a penchant for hugging trees.
Apparel made of recycled material is not new. The uniform company Cintas has been making hotel and casino staff uniforms of recycled bottles and apparently has a whole line of such recycled couture. Sports uniforms in South Africa have also been made from bottles retrieved from Japanese and Taiwanese landfills. Though it’s doubtful soccer players there must worry too much about IEDs, or need FR clothing, one hopes allowances would be made to keep military uniforms from melting onto a grunt’s skin.
Though it’s not widely known, the uniforms of some specialty units (like the Mobile Infantry) have been made from recycled soda bottles for years. Their MREs are all made of Soylent Green, too.
The Senate Armed Services Committee has asked DoD to report in time for items to be considered as part of the 2013 budget.
Authorship credits for this article goes to www.breachbangclear.com.
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Combat Garden Gnomes
Saturday, August 13th, 2011
Put a few of these in your yard, and never again fear an invasion from the squirrel menace. Created by Shawn Thorsson, these battle-hardened magical folk come equipped with a trusty rifle in hand. Soon to come are a prone rifleman gnome and a grenadier. At press time, the entire stock was sold out so if you’re interested in obtaining some of these porcelain mercenaries for yourself (or friends/family with a sense of humor) then be prepared to watch the creator’s site often for news on availability.
Zombie Jerky: Questionably Cannibalistic Nutrition For The Apocalypse
Thursday, August 11th, 2011
It seems only fair; they eat us, why shouldn’t we eat them? Granted, the drying process is somewhat unpleasant (if not as unpleasant as carving the meat). A company called Harcos has been selling zombie jerky for a while now and they claim it’s mutagen free (so presumably eating it will not turn you). We don’t know what spices they use, nor whether it’s rubbed or marinated and frankly we’d rather not know. In any case, if you need a snack to augment your trail food or rat-f%&*ed MREs, try it out. They offer zombie blood power drinks as well, and have posted numerous testimonials. Rumors that the SADF is issuing Harcos Lyk Byt Biltong cannot be confirmed (see picture).
Authorship credits for this article go to www.breachbangclear.com.
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Black Market Goods Brewing
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
Designed to look like a bomb found on the black market, the BMG-10 bottles feature removable rear fins and include a hand-built crate with a bracing system for transportation. They’re only a conceptual piece right now, which is a shame since they’re actually pretty cool looking.
http://www.marcojohndesign.com/portfolio_black_market_goods.html
Flower Grenades
Friday, July 29th, 2011
Have you recently seen a derelict lot or other bare, inaccessible land with a severe lack of vegetation? Then the solution just might be these Flower Grenades. Just toss a few of these into an area in desperate need of some flora and they shatter on impact, spreading soil and flower seeds such as buttercups, ryegrass and poppies, which will grow in a few weeks time (one week in the case of the ryegrass). And if someone might get touchy about you improving the scenery, don’t fret: the all-clay grenade bodies dissolve complete in the rain over a few days, erasing all traces of outside intervention. Guerrilla gardening at its finest.
Suck UK – Only available for order in the UK and Europe.
Going The Extra Length For Your Cosplay At SDCC
Tuesday, July 26th, 2011Many people put a lot of time and dedication into making a kick-ass costume for the San Diego Comic Con, but is it possible that going that extra mile is actually going too far? Surprisingly, it can be, since on the very first day someone was caught using an actual AR-15 as a costume accessory. Although that’s fairly shocking news, I’m more interested in what costume the individual was wearing that they felt necessitated the use of a real firearm. My money’s on Rambo.
After the first day’s AR-15 incident, everything went smoothly. The second day, however, saw the confiscation of two machetes, a dagger, a KA-BAR knife and a lead pipe. Either they were dealing with some extremely dedicated cosplayers, or prevented the happenings of a Marvel vs. DC fan turf war. Maybe both.
Hat Tip: Destructoid
NEGLIGENT DISCHARGES HAPPEN!
Thursday, July 14th, 2011This video by youtuber ‘derekgrebner87‘ AKA Tex Grebner shows that anyone can suffer from a negligent discharge. Tex may not have made the video for sympathy or to be ridiculed, but I couldn’t help but laugh a little. This was of course after wincing when that bullet entered his leg.
To his credit, he has pretty good reason as to how the negligent discharge happened. That’s why I stick with Glocks. There’s no chance to disengage the safety while drawing, unless you’re stupid enough to put your finger on the trigger pre-maturely.
Hat Tip: nghtrgr
Evil Dead Remake Confirmed
Tuesday, July 12th, 2011Confirmed by none other than the original Ash himself, Bruce Campbell (via Twitter), is the news that the cult horror classic Evil Dead is being remade.
As a major (Evil Dead) Fanboy all I have to say is “NOOOOOOO! It can’t be true!”
While Sam Raimi and Bob Murawski, director and editor of the original film respectively, will be teaming up once again for this project, it comes as no surprise that the role of everyone’s favorite S-Mart employee will be played by an as-of-now unnamed actor. Given that this is a Raimi production, of course Campbell will be included in a cameo role (possibly as the milk man), but it hurts to find someone else will be fighting Deadites instead of Bruce. Compared to the original, the best rating I could see this ever getting out of the fanbase is a “Meh. It’s passable.”, but at least the original creative team is behind it.
Hat Tip: G4.com
Magpul Dynamics / Chris Costa Parody
Monday, July 11th, 2011This video by Youtuber ‘randomannkenny‘ is a parody of the series of Magpul Dynamics videos featuring Chris Costa. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I laughed pretty damn hard.
Adult Store Burglar Caught In Closet With Blow-Up Doll
Saturday, July 9th, 2011Earlier this week, U.S. Army Captain Justin Dale Little Jim broke into the MVC Late Night adult store in Woodbridge, Virgina. After taking more than $200 dollars worth of products and storing them in his vehicle, he went back in and preceded to attempt sexual relations with a blow-up doll in a store closet, where he was caught by police. Oh, and he was wearing women’s panties at the time. Little Jim was charged with burglary, grand larceny, and destruction of property and was held in the Prince William jail on Wednesday without bail. His trial is scheduled to take place on August 23rd.
Hat Tip: The Smoking Gun with additional details from The State of NoVa.
